Remember the definition of INSANITY? You are insane if you do the same thing over and over again but expect different results. I have been insane at many stages of this autism roller coaster.All I know is that if the boy does something once (and gets something out of it) he will do it over and over again. Take the average household wall for example. The wall looks solid, heck I hang pictures on that wall, I hurt my shoulder when I bump in to that wall. In reality that wall is soft as butter to a crazy eyed kid in full bore lunatic mode. At first, when Tanner was but a 5 year old head banger, he would pit his frustrations against the carpet. But the carpet didn't fulfill his animal need for pain, nor did the arm of the couch or the mattress of a bed. In order to satisfy the demons in Tanner's head he had to feel some kind of penance through pain....but not to much pain....not enough to cause a blissful black-out. Concrete, brick, pavement caused excessive scalp damage and didn't feel quite right, but sheet rock had the right firmness and softness.
For TEN LONG AND GLORIOUS YEARS we patched sheet rock dents. Dents grew into intrusions which grew into holes which grew into craters (depending on the year and his subsequent strength). There was always a patch kit in the corner: tape, spackle, puddy knife, sandpaper, paint roller. I can't believe we did this for THAT long. The problem is that I knew the battering ram of Tanner's head would almost daily make a mark, it was almost an expectation. I thought he would stop. I was insane.
Maybe a lightning bolt stuck during the night but FINALLY I decided to change things. #1) The boy needs to bang his head...when things are insane in the membrane he has to have an outlet. #2) I can't change this boy. #3) I CAN change the wall...and I did. (Well, the Man did). The Man is the dad, husband and fixer of all that is broke, except Tanner.
The solution: 1/4" particle board. Scab it on, dress it with a nice crown, paint it and then you have a very hard surface which is impossible (so far) to penetrate. AND I got an unintended consequence of the good kind.... The lunatic no longer bangs his head on the walls because he can find no purchase. In other words, these wall don't dent and hurt a whole lot more than the other walls.
The moral of this story is that denial is a nuisance. If I had accepted my new normal in it's fullest I would have put indestructible walls up 9 years ago. Amen
NEXT UP: More Learning Stories
No comments:
Post a Comment