How Autism Changed ME: Manscaping

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Manscaping

    I know that I am super good at yardwork; pulling weeds, planting flowers and trimming bushes. But when it comes to MAN-scaping I am a bit insecure. I have this 16 year old Autistic "man" who seems to get "overgrown" every two months. And since this teen shows absolutely no interest in self-care it is up to me to make him presentable to the world, which means I've got to make him look good and smell good.
    When the boy was younger I kept his hair short and his body scrubbed. It was an easy job. He was smaller than the usual pre-teen and had skin like a baby. Now that he has "come of age" I find him to be kind of ..uh... hairy! And since he is not toilet trained you can imagine the conundrum. I know that most guys do a little trimming of their furry parts. I know co-workers that manscape ALL their fuzzy areas including legs and arms. So I think it only polite to try to manscape my son as well, if only for the benefit of those who care for him at school. I am very considerate to those who are grossed out by overgrowth.
    So every two months I get out the shaver. Tanner knows that this is going to be a full body experience and he is not very cooperative. First I strip him, then I shear him like a sheep. His head gets pinned between my knees and I go at him with the shaver as he tries to break free. I start at the back of his head and peel off tufts of brown hair which fall into his lap like masses of feathers. Tanner looks at these clumps of hair and quickly pushes them away as if they are disgusting bits of rotting leaves. Both of us struggle for balance as I maneover and shift him into the right position in order to sculpt his hair into an acceptable shape. Around the ears is hard, the upper neck is worse. But there is more....
    The next step brings nervous giggles and uncertain eyes. I pin him so he is fully exposed. I carefully shave his nether regions, but not to closely. Tanner gets a bit nervous. I think the shaver pulls the hair ever so slightly enough to make him flinch. I don't try to be precise, only a quick trim of the hedge to keep it under control. Quickly I move on to his legs and armpits which requires only a slight passing of the shaver.
    When it is all done Tanner is rewarded with a long luxurious bath, followed by a full nail clipping and a manly smelling lotion rub down. He is such a high maintenence customer and leaves no gratuity! If I didn't love him so much I definitely would ban him from my Day Spa.

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In The Beginning

Once upon a time I was timid and indecisive. Once upon a time I was needy and insecure. This luxury started to change when I had my first baby, my abnormal baby. He was a perfectly wonderful baby to me. He nursed well, he got fat and smiled and played. Except he was to relaxed and content. He didn't move much, didn't hold his head steady and didn't make much noise; true dream for a new mom. I remember how I held him, how he melted into my arms. He never tried to wriggle out of my grasp. Later, I would watch him miss milestone after milestone. They called him floppy, hypotonic and "a touch dysmorphic". They were worried about my boy's development. So after seeing specialists who provided me with lots of meaningless well rehearsed uncertainty; and thereby receiving absolutely no workable information toward a diagnosis or plan, I left with a twinge of hope but mostly despair. I wouldn't find answers unless I diagnosed him myself. I would research until my hands fell off.

Milestones and Diagnosis

Milestones are those special developmental events which occur when your child starts climbing the ladder to success. Milestones are the"firsts" that moms get so excited about. My boy's first independent steps were at age 5 so you can imagine that even the basic accomplishments were long in coming: sitting unassisted at 10 months, crawling at 2yrs, speaking at....never. During the early years of research and development I got a diagnosis of FG Syndrome, an x-linked chromosomal condition. My son fits most of the physical and mental characteristics but can't be tested definitively because this syndrome hasn't been mapped yet. At the time I clung to this diagnosis because there was such a wonderful support group who could answer my questions. By the time he was 6 years old I was getting the raised eyebrows of specialists when I mentioned FG Syndrome because of their unfamiliarity with it. Later I became content with the diagnosis of AUTISM with a possible unknown genetic component which accounts for his "look". ie. small chin, prominent forehead, downward sloping eyes, hypotonia.

Fifteen Years Later

I have lived with a low functioning autistic child forever it seems. I have seen my boy grow from an infant to a 120 lb teen. I have changed from being a passive soul to being a strong soul. Before autism I was directionless, after autism I have lived every single day with profound purpose and significance.He has been such a joy to me and such a frustration. There were years of astonishingly violent tantrums accompanied with moments of joyous affection. I learned to accept help. I learned to be patient.Most of all I have experienced the incredible gift of unconditional love. I am living a full existence by giving up. I have given up trying to be the perfect mom. I have given up trying to control my life and his life. We are out of control but we don't care.