How Autism Changed ME: An Ethical Dilemma

Monday, February 17, 2014

An Ethical Dilemma

     Over the past few months I have wracked by brain for solutions to handling the boy's sudden mega-rages. Since I am no spring chicken (heck, I'm even too old to be a laying hen) I recognize that before long my skin will become like tissue paper and my strength will dwindle to a spark. In the course of many discussions, friends of mine have tried to help me solve the impossible question. How am I going to manage Tanner's tectonic tantrums and still keep us safe? My male friends are quick with solutions. " How about a tazer or a shock collar or a cattle prod or a stun gun or a paint ball gun or a tranquilizer gun or an electric fly swatter or karate or an awesome WWF hold!" My brother suggested that I purchace a dart gun that they use on wild animals: I bet you can buy one off Amazon, he said. My response is, hey great advice! All I need to do is buy some tranquilizer darts and when I am in a death roll with Tanner I can just shout to my daughter, " Hailey!! get the gun and shoot your brother!" The comical part is picturing Hailey trying to aim at a moving mass of arms and legs and shooting ME instead of her wild brother. Now that would be priceless comedy.

     Still, I recently had a very expensive meeting with Tanner's autism specialists. I casually inquired into the use of the aforementioned methods and was met with serious frowns. Apparently even in jest, the very mention of a tranquilizer dart is strongly a taboo subject.  The one and only solution brought to my attention was the use of our local police department. I can see it now.....red and blue flashing lights in my driveway, two nice men escorting a curious Tanner to a shiny, exciting vehicle, going for a ride to a new place. It would be the most funnest day ever!!!

    Don't worry. I still have reasonable solutions to try out on the boy. These gentler methods come from my female friends. Women tend to be more realistic and less sensational. So when a female friend suggests that I put gym mats on Tanner's walls (reasonable) and when a male friend suggests a tazer set on low (sadistic), I think I will listen to the gal.

No comments:

Post a Comment

In The Beginning

Once upon a time I was timid and indecisive. Once upon a time I was needy and insecure. This luxury started to change when I had my first baby, my abnormal baby. He was a perfectly wonderful baby to me. He nursed well, he got fat and smiled and played. Except he was to relaxed and content. He didn't move much, didn't hold his head steady and didn't make much noise; true dream for a new mom. I remember how I held him, how he melted into my arms. He never tried to wriggle out of my grasp. Later, I would watch him miss milestone after milestone. They called him floppy, hypotonic and "a touch dysmorphic". They were worried about my boy's development. So after seeing specialists who provided me with lots of meaningless well rehearsed uncertainty; and thereby receiving absolutely no workable information toward a diagnosis or plan, I left with a twinge of hope but mostly despair. I wouldn't find answers unless I diagnosed him myself. I would research until my hands fell off.

Milestones and Diagnosis

Milestones are those special developmental events which occur when your child starts climbing the ladder to success. Milestones are the"firsts" that moms get so excited about. My boy's first independent steps were at age 5 so you can imagine that even the basic accomplishments were long in coming: sitting unassisted at 10 months, crawling at 2yrs, speaking at....never. During the early years of research and development I got a diagnosis of FG Syndrome, an x-linked chromosomal condition. My son fits most of the physical and mental characteristics but can't be tested definitively because this syndrome hasn't been mapped yet. At the time I clung to this diagnosis because there was such a wonderful support group who could answer my questions. By the time he was 6 years old I was getting the raised eyebrows of specialists when I mentioned FG Syndrome because of their unfamiliarity with it. Later I became content with the diagnosis of AUTISM with a possible unknown genetic component which accounts for his "look". ie. small chin, prominent forehead, downward sloping eyes, hypotonia.

Fifteen Years Later

I have lived with a low functioning autistic child forever it seems. I have seen my boy grow from an infant to a 120 lb teen. I have changed from being a passive soul to being a strong soul. Before autism I was directionless, after autism I have lived every single day with profound purpose and significance.He has been such a joy to me and such a frustration. There were years of astonishingly violent tantrums accompanied with moments of joyous affection. I learned to accept help. I learned to be patient.Most of all I have experienced the incredible gift of unconditional love. I am living a full existence by giving up. I have given up trying to be the perfect mom. I have given up trying to control my life and his life. We are out of control but we don't care.