The Newest Invention

     You may recall how I have been struggling to keep my skin on my bones. It"s not that I have a cannibal in the house, it's just that I live with a kid who can rake my face like Freddie Krueger in "Nightmare on Elm Street". After the dart gun suggestion failed, me and a buddy came up with a humane solution to help protect me from the cub when he is at his worst.
     What I needed was a barrier between me and my sweet, little savage. After much talk we came up with a brilliant plan. Why not make a shield, a barrier of sorts, that I can put between me and the boy as I try to direct him to his room. It would have to be equipped with handles, it would have to be light in weight, it would have to have an unbreakable surface. As I figured the dimensions my buddy talked about the materials needed to make a portable, uncomplicated barrier which can be easily accessible in times of crisis. I suggested clear plexi-glass, he suggested a a welded metal frame with handles for strength, stablility and maneuverability. The result was a brilliant hand made shield weighing in at 12 lbs. 30inX30in with foam on the edges, taped down by duct tape. It is a thing of beauty!
    And it works! The other day I was able to remain almost unscathed after Tanner flipped out unexpectantly. Not to say that I have things totally under control (there is a huge learning curve regarding this new device). Still, I avoided some face shots but fell victim to a couple of injuries due to inadequate counter measures. I will learn!..... If the shield is ineffective then the next step may be....cannabis?

If You Can't Buy It, Invent It

     As my autistic son grows up I find that what he needs doesn't exist. For example, when he was a youngster he wore a "onesie" like all other babies. This little body suit kept his diaper from sagging and also covered his little belly when his shirt rode up. Well, by the time he was five years old he had grown out of the XL size. I had this giant baby learning how to walk. And as a giant baby he also had a big heavy diaper and wandering hands. For another year I squeezed the boy into a toddler's onesie and found that the body suit kept his diaper in the place where diapers are supposed to be, around his bum and not his knees. Soon came the time when he was popping the crotch snaps of the largest size. There was no such thing as a onesie for big boys so I decided to experiment; afterall, isn't a onsie just a combination of a t-shirt and a tighty-whitey with an opening at the bottom? I bought a big-boy undershirt and some briefs and sewed them together. Then I cut out the crotch and used a bra "hook and eye" to secure the bottom. It worked liked a charm! So as he grows I just buy bigger t-shirts and underwear. There are so many advantages to this little invention. Mainly it keeps the boy's diaper up, but also, it keeps him decent when he takes his clothes off in public!
     Another nifty idea involves a belt and a chair. Invariably the cub feels the need to walk around while he eats. If allowed, he will carry his dinner plate throughout the house dropping food here and there. He  touches everything and soon there is Ranch dressing where it shouldn't be. Just trying to keep him at the table during mealtime ensures that I don't get to eat at all. After getting fed up with constant interruptions I got a nice wide "man-belt" and tied the kid to his chair. I lace the belt in between the slats of the chair and buckle it in the back. The boy can't get off his chair until I allow it. Now that he stays put I can casually eat without having to chase him down before he smears all the light switches.